5- Waiting

You've Got Some Work To Do On Yourself

Everyone does.

My hair is always frizzy.

Each day brings tiny enlightenment

because I can once again feel myself sink into truth.

I am grasping my inner being 

empowered in all the right ways.

Wishing the days would go faster but the months slow down. 

I am so excited but terrified for my future because I don't really know what I am doing. Does anyone? 

Waiting in eager suspense to see what's going happen next. 

4- Notes

"I've never been in love. Have you?" 

My notes on the back of this drawing:

• Mistakes-beautiful
• I used to play music. When I performed in front of people I would make a face when I made a mistake. My teachers always told me no one would know I made a mistake if I didn't have a reaction to it. The same thing goes with making art. When you make a mistake on your work, don't stop. My mistakes are usually what take me where I need to go.
• Fuck margins 
• I hate having to pay attention to margins. 
• Let's be real. I'm just lazy. 
• I'm trying hard to look at my art objectively. 
• Do people look at themselves objectively? 
• Unconventionally (pretty) 
• Walking into an unconventional life 
• I change my mind a lot  

3- Art Museum

I have been inside my house for too long, I have read all the Thought Catalog essays I can read and watched all the Idiot Abroad episodes I can watch. It is time for a little outing.

I work at an art museum and can get into their special exhibits for free, so my sister and I went to a French impressionist exhibit. Although I had seen the show a couple times before, I noticed a lot more this visit. Monet's paintings really caught my eye. His figures are beautiful and I can feel the movement in his paintings. I have never been able to understand oil paint, but I get it when I look at Monet's work. "I get it" is such an undescriptive phrase. Okay let's go with, I am able to appreciate the use of oil paint in Monet and other French impressionistic paintings and I am motivated to experiment with this medium. Oil on canvas sounds pretty fun right now. Give me all the turpentine you have!!

Elegant signature

Sister with a seascape 

 We also looked at an exhibit called About Face. It was a collection of photographic portraits. My favorite part of the exhibit was that instead of boring curator notes (sorry), each photograph had a description of it written by the photographer. I loved this because it gave me a better idea of what the artist's story was. I know a lot of artist's want their audience to create their own story, and that's good. But I think you can do that while still sharing your idea behind your work. Telling your story can introduce more ideas to your audience. Artist's are creating things that people can relate to. Everyone is different, so there are infinite ways someone can look at a piece of artwork. So why not share your story? We will all have our own experience anyway.

    

2- Inspired

When?
Never.
Okay 

I have so much to learn and experience.
So many mistakes to make.
So many things to create.

I haven't looked at this sketchbook in a couple of weeks, although I carry it around everywhere I go.
While scanning this sketchbook into my computer, I noticed how much I have grown since making it.
I don't particularly like all my drawings in it.
But that's okay because from these drawings came a refined and clear thought.
I understood the overall idea/image I wanted to share and was able to create something that I am proud of. 

Winter break was about to start.
My school is small and our lives can sometimes get too intertwined.
I slept a lot and talked a little.
Taking a break from reality is nice.
Focusing on art is nice.
Figuring out who I am is hard.

1- Sketchbook project

// I just wanna tell the truth //

I have a daisy tattoo on my ankle
I don't complete enough tasks on my to-do lists

I wish I could read your mind
But then I realize some things are better left for the unknown.

Muthafucking bird
Some say the top page looks like fried eggs.

This is one of my favorite pages from my sketchbook.
No one else seems to like it as much as I do.
That's okay. I don't care what any of you think. 

Seriously.

I drew the bottom sketch in Economics class.
We were watching a documentary.
Is it sad I can't remember what it was about?
Yes. 

To a boy who constantly annoyed me but who I wanted to make out with.