15- Myself & Adobe Products

I finally got Illustrator! : INTENSE LEARNING CURVE 

Follow Y(our) Heart(s)
I fell in love with myself this weekend!

Utah

I've been listening to Angel Olsen nonstop this weekend. Her 2011 EP titled Strange Cacti is resonating with me. Here are my two favorite songs from her EP. LISTEN TO IT.

14- Every time I let my head rest I feel my heart grow stronger

Journal
Why didn't you just tell me what you wanted?

Journal
Too real to care

The sun always rises. You are the one not getting up.
Quit blaming your shit on other people!

Whenever I go to the Nelson-Atkins, I visit Guan Yin.
Her peaceful posture comforts me when I am lost or uneasy.


Guan Yin is the bodhisattva of Compassion.
I want to be compassionate.
I want to open myself up and let go of anger and hesitation.
My dreams have been filled with confusing conversations and conclusions that allude to things being more complex than they seem.
What am I not seeing?

13- Utopia

"You are just as closed minded as the rest of them."
Closed minded?
Close minded?
I couldn't figure out which sounded right. 

"Maybe you won't figure it out."
And I really don't care!

Lately I've been thinking about buddhism.
 I understand how appreciating the origins of things and practicing mindfulness could be good for someone.

I don't want to be attached to energy that is not my own. 

"Unbalanced"

Today I went for a walk and thought about my utopia. 

What kind of world would I be happiest in? 

I want everyone to genuinely like themselves and listen to their gut.

I don't want people to be so attached to each other. 

I want people to make decisions based on whether they want to do it, not if it makes someone else happy. 

I want people to respect each other and understand that everyone has the right to an opinion

(even when you think you're right.)

Realize that the world is big and you are so small. We all are. 

I wish people were more considerate

and set good intentions.

But even in this utopian world, mistakes would be made and feelings would get hurt.

 Everything is so complex!

Since I can't control the universe. I will control myself.

 Listen to "Reflections" sung by Kimya Dawson 

12- Flowers

New York: Contrasting emotions

I went to the Commission on the Status of Women in New York City last week.
I learned that I am apart of a big world that has many issues.

No one is worthless.
...but I can't help feeling so sometimes.

(1)  

(2)
The world I was entering into.

Going to New York City made me appreciate the space between myself and surroundings.



 

Journal: Whole Foods in NY
So I left New York and am back in Kansas City.
Have you ever met someone who makes you feel so shitty you want to crawl up in a little ball and die?
Yeah, I'm working through that right now.

 I'm having a hard time moving around.
I have so much to say
but my thoughts get stuck inside my head.
motionless.

When I walked into Whole Foods I was greeted by piles of beautiful flowers.
Flowers are serene.
I want to get married in a field of daisies
and always have a vase of them on my kitchen table.
Flowers are inviting
and always die.


Listen to Regina Spektor's song "Flowers" you'll get what I mean

11- I don't want to fold my laundry

"Are You Okay?"
I'm disappointed you don't accept me for who I am.
I do not want to change you.
I do not want to change myself. 

Whatever 

Jouuuurnal
Left: "Set yourself free
because we are all worth so much"
Right: "Don't you want to be connected?"

When I think about life I want to cry because our existence is so fragile.
Sometimes I feel bombarded with negative energy and I want to escape it.
This is another example of learning to work through uneasiness.
Nothing lasts forever.